You are not alone.

A guest post by Brian Farrey, author of With or Without You.

By now, I hope you’ve heard about the suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer. I say “hope” because it’s a story that isn’t going to get a lot of mainstream attention and I think it’s a story that everyone needs to hear. It’s made the rounds on my RSS feed but then, I’m prone to subscribe to feeds that would naturally cover this. So often, I get bombarded with news stories that I feel everyone MUST know about just because I see them constantly, only to learn that many people don’t know what’s happening.

And maybe you’ve also heard the story that after Jamey’s funeral, his sister went to a dance at school where the bullies in Jamey’s life chanted that they were glad he’s dead. Remember when you were told to just ignore a bully and they’d go away? That’s a lie. It’s always been a lie. Today, they bully you even when you’re dead.

I’ve got my own stories of being bullied. In grade school, a wealthy classmate offered to buy a brand new BMX bike for anyone who would beat me up. In junior high, I got tossed around a bit. High school was more about psychological abuse. Let’s face it: when your last name is Farrey, you’ve pretty much got a bullseye on your forehead 24/7.

When I think of how prevalent bullying was in my life, it seems insurmountable. Like NOTHING could ever be done to stop it. And there are elements in this country who don’t think it’s possible to stop, or insist it’s a “natural part of growing up,” or have no interest in trying. (Yes, Representative Bachmann, I’m looking at you.) But it’s only in recent years that I’ve begun to believe we CAN do something. We SHOULD do something.

I’d like to suggest some fairly small/easy things you can do that could make all the difference to someone who’s being bullied:

• Donate to the Trevor Project. This is a great hotline dedicated to preventing suicide among LGBT youth. At our wedding last year, my husband and I did a dollar dance where we contributed the money to the Trevor Project. I say that not to boast but to show that I’m getting behind when I say “please donate to the Trevor Project.”

• If you’re in the Twin Cities, check out a performance of MEAN, an original drama about bullying and it’s increasingly tragic consequences. Produced by the Youth Performance Company, it traces the story of three students being tormented based on physical appearance, perceived sexual orientation, and religion.

• Donate a copy of the recently released Dear Bully to your local library. 70 authors recount stories of their own abuses growing up in an attempt to reach out to anyone in a similar predicament today.

• Follow Caleb Laieski on Twitter. He’s a 16-year-old guy from Arizona who is lobbying President Obama to to appoint a youth advisor to work with the administration on the everyday emotional and complex issues that LGBT youth face. You can sign Caleb’s petition here. I’ve got tons of respect for Caleb and what he’s trying to do.

I’ll be honest: I don’t know how I got through it. I know I had a close knit group of friends in high school who were a large part of helping me achieve some mental stability. But before that? I have no clue. I just know that as long as I can do SOMETHING to reach out, I’m going to.

I am, of course, not just talking about LGBT youth. But I can speak from experience that maybe the greatest moment in any gay man’s life is that moment of recognition, knowing conclusively that you’re not alone. It’s liberating. That’s what I want any teen considering suicide to realize.

Never pass up a chance to tell someone who’s being bullied that they’re not alone. Never stop reaching out. We can do something. And we will.

MEAN a second time around

This show is so close to my heart for so many different reasons. The first time I read the script, I beamed and flushed at the familiarity, and at times the script literally quoted me from an interview that happened randomly during YPC's Cattle Call in 2010, by Rita Cannon. On being teased and put down because of more than a few physical traits: "I had to learn to accept what people were saying about me and just deal with it. I turned them into truths about myself, like if they said your legs are crooked, or your hair is too long and ugly" I would apologize for my appearance, thinking that it was my fault that I looked the way I did. My first impression was Sweet! My story got in! Oh wow! This one did too? Huh, this scene too....Wow, this is the email I sent Rita, that one night...

Then I started to really pay attention to the actors involved in the scenes that came from my interview with the playwright, and the level of honesty that they put into their performance. I watched them play out my memories like some twisted little nightmare, and I couldn't put my finger on how I exactly felt about the situation. Sure this is "My" story, but then again......not really. It's everyone's story. It relates to so many people, to so many kids. I used to think that the 4th grade through 8th grade was absolute HELL for me...and now I know that it wasn't just me, it was (and is) something that relates to too many. One kid calls gives me a nickname in the 4th grade (for all I know he was the only one who actually called me the name), and it sticks with me at the age of 26. I'm now happily married to my amazing husband, who tells me I'm beautiful all the time.......and I still think of that nickname. Drool Face.

So why on earth would I want to return to a show like this? And so soon? Didn't we just perform this in February? Why on earth would I come back to a script as personal as this? Not to spoil anything, a particular scene (performed by the amazing Maren Carter) just kills me every time I see it, because I'm so embarrassed by what I allowed to happen to me, when i was a kid. Perhaps I even encouraged it, because I wanted attention. Some girl who was mean to me asked me to alter my appearance, and I did, just to see what would happen. Besides the fact that I'll never be able to let these stories go, being able to speak out through a dramatic musical this directly...Who would ever pass up that opportunity? I thank everyone who was interviewed for MEAN, for being brave enough to share your stories with people who either can't or won't.

Mean--Again

We are in rehearsals for Mean. No this is not a flashback--we are doing Mean again!!

Some might ask why--didn't you just do that show?! And the answer is yes we did just do that show--BUT we had such a tremendous response that we knew we needed to bring it back this season. Bullying is such a HUGE issue facing our schools and communities.

Over 160,000 kids are victims of being bullied each year and no longer feel safe in their own schools. And though we have sent the message that "it gets better"--I know this community can do so much more.

Its time for all of us to raise our voices...its time for all of us to push up our sleeve and get busy making a change...its time for all of us to stand up and demand that that all kids no matter who they are...no matter where they go to school have the RIGHT to be safe.

Be a part of making this change happen in your own school or community.

Hope to see you at Mean October 5-October 23 2011.