MEAN a second time around

This show is so close to my heart for so many different reasons. The first time I read the script, I beamed and flushed at the familiarity, and at times the script literally quoted me from an interview that happened randomly during YPC's Cattle Call in 2010, by Rita Cannon. On being teased and put down because of more than a few physical traits: "I had to learn to accept what people were saying about me and just deal with it. I turned them into truths about myself, like if they said your legs are crooked, or your hair is too long and ugly" I would apologize for my appearance, thinking that it was my fault that I looked the way I did. My first impression was Sweet! My story got in! Oh wow! This one did too? Huh, this scene too....Wow, this is the email I sent Rita, that one night...

Then I started to really pay attention to the actors involved in the scenes that came from my interview with the playwright, and the level of honesty that they put into their performance. I watched them play out my memories like some twisted little nightmare, and I couldn't put my finger on how I exactly felt about the situation. Sure this is "My" story, but then again......not really. It's everyone's story. It relates to so many people, to so many kids. I used to think that the 4th grade through 8th grade was absolute HELL for me...and now I know that it wasn't just me, it was (and is) something that relates to too many. One kid calls gives me a nickname in the 4th grade (for all I know he was the only one who actually called me the name), and it sticks with me at the age of 26. I'm now happily married to my amazing husband, who tells me I'm beautiful all the time.......and I still think of that nickname. Drool Face.

So why on earth would I want to return to a show like this? And so soon? Didn't we just perform this in February? Why on earth would I come back to a script as personal as this? Not to spoil anything, a particular scene (performed by the amazing Maren Carter) just kills me every time I see it, because I'm so embarrassed by what I allowed to happen to me, when i was a kid. Perhaps I even encouraged it, because I wanted attention. Some girl who was mean to me asked me to alter my appearance, and I did, just to see what would happen. Besides the fact that I'll never be able to let these stories go, being able to speak out through a dramatic musical this directly...Who would ever pass up that opportunity? I thank everyone who was interviewed for MEAN, for being brave enough to share your stories with people who either can't or won't.