Relive and Relieve.

I stood there shaking. I was crying and I couldn't stop. The memories were too strong to forget and the words spoken too real.

Rehearsal on Friday was our first rough run through. And for being the first, it went fairly well. We ended the night on my hardest scene. The scene where my character, Taylor, is cyber-bullied. It's one of two scenes that's completely true to what I've been through.

In eighth grade I became really frustrated with my weight; I didn't look like the other girls. My friends were all smalls and I was a large. I started to starve myself because dieting wasn't working. It never was enough for me. The rate of weight loss. The size I was. Who I was. The biggest bully in my life became myself. There were still whispers and messages, posts and rumors, but I was the one who kept it going when others weren't around. I stopped looking in the mirror at myself; I started looking in the mirror at flaws. I wanted the pain to be over. To stop the crying and the tears. End the pure hell I had to go through every single day. With pills in hand, ready to end my life, I texted my friend "I can't do this anymore."

The last part of my story, the last quote. Purely that is the essence of the scene. That moment, that memory. It's so vivid to me that I can barely make it through the scene. But the truth of it is, this time I know I won't be alone. This time I know that there will be many hugs for me when I make it through. This time it isn't real.

I never thought reliving these events would be quite as emotional as they are. I knew it'd be hard, but not to this extreme. But I also never thought this show would be so relieving. So freeing. So cleansing.

We live and we love, we forgive and forget, we relive and we relieve.